


Apples With Benefits

by Frumpologist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Inappropriate Use of Apples, Light BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 06:18:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16592450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frumpologist/pseuds/Frumpologist
Summary: Sirius discovers a great use for leftover apples.





	Apples With Benefits

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Hermione’s Haven: Haven Harvest 18. I was given Sirius/Apple/Hermione and then proceeded to write this filthy thing. XD Thanks to the admin team for putting on this fun little fest - I had a blast writing it!

He stared at the old building as it forced its way into existence. The old brick buckled under the magical charms, making one hell of a racket as it pushed numbers 11 and 13 out of its way. He flicked the last quarter of his cigarette into the bin, rearranged the brown paper bag under his arm, and begrudgingly climbed up the stairs to face his own personal hell once again. 

What he was expecting when he walked through the door and what actually greeted him were exactly the opposite of one another. Music filtered through the house, heavy and quick with excitable vocals and a killer bass; his favorite. The smell hit him the hardest, a sweet and earthy mixture of nutmeg and brown sugar. But, it was the sight that caught him off guard the most as he trudged his way deeper into this place he’d hated his whole life. 

In the kitchen, she stood with her back to the door and an apron tied around her waist. Tight, black joggers hugged her arse in the most delicious way, accentuating the curves of her body as it swayed in time to the rhythm. He just stood and watched her for a while, the slight dips, the small slides from one end of the counter to the other. It wasn’t until her hand raised the wooden spoon to her lips and her head snapped to the side, hair whipping with it, and sang into the utensil as if she, herself, Hermione Granger, was a Rock God, that Sirius couldn’t stop himself announcing his presence. 

Of course, he wasn’t subtle about it. He dropped his heavy brown bag onto the hardwood floor. At the same time it clattered to the ground, she jumped a mile into the air and shrieked loud enough to drown out the music. She spun, hand on chest, spoon forgotten as it, too, smacked against the floor. Sheer ire in her eyes made him take a ginger step backwards with his hands on display in a show of innocence.

It didn’t stop her advancing, though. 

“Sirius Black!” She swotted at him, landing blows wherever she could reach. “You. Bloody. Creeping. Muppet!”

He caught her hands as he chuckled and pulled her close to his chest. “Aw, c’mon, love. Every second of that was adorable.”

“Ador-” She twisted in his arms and fought her way back into the kitchen, with him hanging onto her waist every step of the way. “You’re a menace. A mongrel. A wank-”

“Careful now, petal,” he warned her on a deep growl. “You don’t want to say something you’ll regret.”

He allowed her to reach the countertop again, but when she bent down to grab her lost spoon, he pulled her arse back against him. 

She hissed when she felt his erection. “Sirius! Not now, you filthy-”

“Alright, alright.” He released her with a sigh, and a silent promise to make her regret turning him down. “What time are they getting here, then?”

“Half five,” she said and went on her merry way in the kitchen as if he hadn’t tried to accost her and bend her over the counter. “It’s the first time we’re having a meal with them, love. I don’t want them to be uncomfortable because they’ve walked in to your arse on display.”

“It’s nothing Harry hasn’t seen before.” He knew he sounded petulant the minute the words left him, but he didn’t care much because, hey, it was honest at the very least. 

“That’s nothing to be proud of.” She stirred whatever magic she’d cooked up that evening and tasted it. He watched as she rolled the flavors around her tongue, the saucy wench, and then turned back to him. “Your godson has no business seeing your arse.”

“Disagree!” Sirius argued and reached around her to stick his finger into the pot. “It’s healthy for people to see the goods. Keeps things in perspective.”

He pulled out a scoop of some sort of liquid and brought it to his lips. He lowered his lips to her neck and kissed her sweetly, letting the sauce rub against her skin before he lapped it up like the mutt he was. Whatever argument she was going to make was lost at the feel of his tongue laving at the fleshy skin just below her ear. He’d finally softened her up, and of course that’s when they were interrupted. 

“Hem, hem.” 

For the second time that evening, Hermione jumped. She collided backward into Sirius, who swore an oath, and she spun around to greet their guests as if they weren’t just in the middle of a naughty bit of foreplay. 

“Harry!” She grinned and ran to him, her arms flung around his neck and they held each other close for several minutes. 

Sirius, on the other hand, watched Harry’s date. A nervous thing, eyeing the witch and Harry closely as he fidgeted with the cuff of his jacket. Sirius stepped forward, hand out to shake. 

“You’ll ruin the padding there,” he warned the bloke, showing off the worn material of his own leather jacket. “Sirius Black. Leather enthusiast.”

“Theo,” he said and ducked his chin. “Nott. Ruiner of leather.”

Sirius laughed and that seemed to be the motivation Harry and Hermione needed to pull apart. She turned and even though the room might not have noticed, her smile dipped for only a fraction of a breath. Sirius watched her fake pleasantries with Nott, the way she deferred to Harry to engage conversation, and stood closer to Sirius than to Nott as she led them through to the dining room. 

“Harry, my boy. You never mentioned that your bloke enjoyed leather. Tell me, Nott.” He pulled out Hermione’s chair and she sat while he pushed it in. “Is it only jackets that interest you?”

“Sirius!” Hermione hissed and reached back to slap him. She only managed to hit his arm. “Could you behave yourself for one moment?”

Sirius sat opposite Harry and Nott and winked. “Not on your life, petal.”

He could feel her eyes roll down to his very soul and he didn’t even care because that meant the sex was going to be  _ amazing _ later. He pulled his cloth napkin and folded it over his lap, a massive grin on his face. 

“Just the jackets, though it’s not for lack of trying,” Nott told him before sipping water and pointedly ignored the noise that came from Harry. “This looks great, Granger. Thanks for going through the trouble.”

She smiled kindly at him and poured a bit of red wine into her glass. She offered it to him, but he declined with a classy hand over the rim.

There was a conversation that he couldn’t hear, he was sure of it. Subtext abounded, and he was pretty sure he heard an apology and permission to date Harry beneath the surface. He wondered briefly if they knew they were having the sub-conversation. Harry certainly didn’t as he forked potatoes onto his plate. 

“So, Nott and Potter, doing the sitting in the tree, hey?” Sirius dumped more wine than was appropriate into his glass and guzzled it down. 

Harry choked on a potato and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. Nott thumped him on the back, chuckled, and nodded. 

“Among other things,” he said with a smirk at Harry, looking fairly proud at making the lad turn a deep shade of red.

“Oh, I like him,” Sirius laughed. “Harry, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Sirius.” Hermione ground his name through clenched teeth. “You’re embarrassing him.”

“There’s no shame here.” Sirius planted an arm in front of his plate and leaned against the table. “Honestly, we’ve been shagging like-”

“Sirius!” She kicked him under the table. “Could you  _ please _ keep our private affairs  _ private?” _

“Did you see Skeeter’s last article?” Harry interrupted, and Hermione sent him a grateful smile as she sipped from her wine. “Most eligible bachelor in Britain?”

“Bollocks.” Sirius shook his head. “I’m not a bachelor anymore.”

“It wasn’t you.” Hermione grinned, as if she’d been waiting to drop this news on him for ages. Her eyes traveled from his face across the table to Nott and her eyes sparkled. “What a scandal, the pair of you.”

Harry finally allowed a smile on his face, and Sirius watched his eyes slide over to his date’s. There was an innocent coyness there, something that reminded Sirius of James. He couldn’t help but compare the two, while wildly different temperments, the two were also eerily similar. 

“Theo is founding a company next week,” Harry said proudly, his hand resting on top of Nott’s. “We didn’t want the word of our relationship to overshadow all of his hard work.”

“The Chosen One Finds Love.” Hermione made a noise in the back of her throat and rolled her eyes. “She’s a cow.”

“Cow or not,” Theo shrugged, “She has a habit of making or breaking a wizard’s success.”

“Truth!” Sirius agreed loudly. “Dozy cow ruined me for years after I broke out of Azkaban.”

“Stalked a teenage boy, defied a dozen dementors, went on the run, fell through a veil after breaking into the ministry, came out of the veil and then broke  _ out _ of the ministry, spooked an elderly Wizarding couple by transforming into an unregistered animagus-”

Sirius grumbled. “Are you quite finished?”

“Defiled a war heroine.” Theo added.

“Bared his arse to godson.” Harry joined in. 

Hermione grinned and Sirius reached down to the bottom of her seat and pulled her close. “I can do at least three of those tricks here and now if you lot aren’t careful.”

He flung his arm over her shoulder and placed a kiss to the side of her head. Tonight was everything he wanted out of life, and one thing he never thought to ask for. She played the gracious hostess, cleared the table with Harry’s help and left him to vet the new man that found his way into their lives. He quite liked Theo and by the end of the night, the two were exchanging war stories like all poorly-adjusted veterans. Sirius liked to think he  _ won _ , given the fact he died. Theo didn’t let him have it so easily. 

When they finally settled into dessert, Hermione had crafted caramel apples, complete with homemade drizzle; the smell that accosted him when he first returned home that afternoon. 

“You know what they say about apples?” Theo asked Harry, a devious smirk on his face. 

“An apple a day keeps-”

Sirius laughed and shook his head. “Bloody hell, Potter. How do you keep a boyfriend with all that innocence and-”

Theo raised his eyebrows. “The appeal is there, I promise you.”

“I really don’t want to know these things about my best friend.” Hermione carved up her apple and popped a bit into her mouth. 

A tiny bit of caramel clung to her lip and Sirius leaned over and kissed it away. He felt her tense, and he smiled against her mouth before swiping his tongue across the soft flesh. He was satisfied at the light and airy sigh that escaped her. 

“That’s disgusting.” Harry groaned, scratching at the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

“You’re disgusting,” Sirius clapped back. He planted another kiss on Hermione’s lips, but she pushed him away quickly. 

“ _ You’re _ disgusting,” she informed him. 

“ _ I’m  _ filthy. There’s a difference.” Smug, charming, adorable; three words to describe Sirius Black, if he did say so himself. But, definitely filthy. “So, apples, Nott. What do they say?”

Sirius ignored his fork entirely and grabbed a caramel coated apple slice with his fingers. He could feel Hermione’s eyes on him and so he made a show about touching it, gliding his fingers over its juicy surface before taking a delicate bite. He’d never tire of the way she flushed when he flirted with her. 

Theo cleared his throat and brought Sirius’ attention back to him. “My grandmother once told me that it was tradition to eat an apple in the marriage bed. It was said to promote lust, and more importantly, fertility in new bondings.”

Sirius dropped his apple slice onto the table. “Apples make women lusty and fertile? What a terrible combination.”

Hermione scoffed and grabbed at his apple slice. “Muggle scientists have proven the sexual benefits of apples to women.”

“But fertility?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow over his gray eyes and watched as she slid the last piece of apple between her lips. It was his turn to feel the flush of desire as he plump lips were coated in thin apple juice. 

“They say that apples help your body to produce lubrication-”

“Oi, we don’t need that level of detail over the dinner table!” Harry whinged and carded a hand through his hair. “Is it necessary to talk about this?”

“What’s the matter, Potter?” Sirius’ crooked smile grew wider as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Jealous that apples are only there for  _ her _ pleasure?”

“He knows plenty about  _ his _ pleasure already,” Theo clarified, matching Sirius’ devilish smirk. 

“Ugh, you two!” It was Hermione who interrupted them and then stood from the table. “Clearly apples were a bad idea for dessert this evening.”

“Disagree!” Sirius clapped his hand against the table and reached onto the plate that Hermione was clearing. He grabbed another apple slice and smiled at her scowl. “There’s a lot to learn here, I think.”

“I believe that’s our cue to leave, Potter.” Theo stood from the table and held his hand out to Harry. “Looks like your godfather just accepted a challenge that we don’t want to be present for.”

Harry glanced between Theo and Sirius, and then to Hermione whose face was red and eyes were narrowed at Sirius. Harry nodded, stood, and took Theo’s hand. 

“Right.” He helped Theo into his leather coat and hugged Sirius goodbye. “Please don’t ever tell me what happened after we left here tonight.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “If I do, she’ll murder me.”

“Yes, well, she doesn’t hold the monopoly on making you stop talking at all costs.” Harry smiled and then nodded his head to them in turn. “See you.”

“Was good to properly meet you, Black.” Theo ducked his chin and turned to Hermione. “Granger. You’re welcome.”

Hermione offered him a quiet goodbye and watched them disappear out of the dining room. It wasn’t until they heard the whoosh of the floo that either of them broke through the silence. 

“You’re such a-”

“We have leftover apples?” 

Clearly their minds were in two different places, but Sirius only grinned at the witch. Her hands were planted on her hips, big, brown eyes narrowed in his direction, and she didn’t seem to be swayed by the charms he put on. 

“Yes, there are leftover apples, but I don’t know what you think we’re doing with them.” Hermione turned from him and sauntered into the kitchen, her arse swaying in those delectable joggers. “It’s not like we’re bringing them into the bedroom with… Sirius!”

He was at her back, hands on her hips, and lips attached to her neck. She had a green apple in one hand and a saucepan of freshly made caramel in the other. Her annoyance quickly faded into a noise of pleasure as he continued what he’d started before Harry and Theo interrupted. Hermione arched back into him and made to set down the things in her hands. He stopped her, hands moving to hold onto her forearms.

“Don’t,” he breathed against her neck. He nipped at the skin there while his gravelly words caressed her. “Let’s take them to the bedroom. Have some fun.”

She moaned, somewhere between a low groan and a whine. “We’re not using apples-”

“Of course not.” He lied. He knew it was easier to talk her into things while she was in the throws of her pleasure. “Just for a snack after, I promise.”

Hermione turned to him then and pressed the apple into Sirius’ chest. “Fine. It’s your snack, you carry it.”

And then she was off, leading him to their bedroom with her mesmerizing curves showing him the way. He was hypnotized by her, completely a fool for her. It would have been embarrassing, but Sirius knew that any amount of embarrassment was worth it when he was wrapped up in her. And afterward, in the afterglow, she’d forgive him for everything he was about to do to her. 

They barely made it through the creaky old door before he dropped the apple onto the wardrobe and slammed her against the wall. She made a noise, might have been shock, but it quickly transitioned into a moan. He wasted no time snogging her and wrapped his hands into her loose curls as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. He pulled at her hair and forced her to tilt her head back, and then ravished her throat with open mouth kisses. 

She was putty to him. 

His hands left her hair and traveled down her shoulders and arms, and finally wrapped around her hands. He hoisted then into the air and pinned them above her head, holding them steady with one hand as he reached desperately around for his wand. Hermione watched him through heavy lidded eyes and tried her best to distract him with her tongue on his neck and teeth nibbling against his flesh. He breathed heavy as he aimed his wand at her hands and bound them there. 

When he pulled away, he flashed her a wolfish grin and brought his fingers to her face. He traced them over her jaw and under her chin, lifting it slightly and planted a light kiss against her lips. 

“You’re going to hate me for this,” he promised her, and as his gray eyes darkened, she let out a shaky breath. “Open your mouth, love.”

He reached over to the wardrobe and grabbed the green apple. Her eyes grew wide as he brought it to her lips and he stared at her expectantly as he pressed it forward. She shook her head, “Sirius, I’m not-”

“Trust me.” He pushed his thumb against her bottom lip and flicked it so that she could taste the sweet apple. “Open up.”

She hesitated for only a moment and then opened her mouth.

“Good girl,” he whispered, “Now take a big bite.”

She did as he asked and as her lips spread over the apple, Sirius pulled his hand away so that the apple was jammed between her teeth. Hermione breathed sharply through her nose, tried to speak around the apple, and narrowed her eyes when Sirius chuckled at her. He wasted no time removing her shirt with a clean severing charm from his wand and then tossed it to the side. 

“This is going to be so good,” he mumbled between kisses along the flesh just south of her collarbone. “The only noise I’ll hear from you is pleasure, no arguing. Bloody fantastic.”

And he ducked his head quickly, pressing a messy open kiss to her breast. She arched into him, another sharp breath through her nose. His hands skimmed along her soft belly, over the curve of her hip and up, up so gently that she shivered at the ghosting touch before he cupped her breasts and feasted on each of them in turn. 

The muffled noises she made spurred him on. He made noises of his own in the back of his throat, and laved his tongue roughly over her nipple before taking it between his teeth and gently tugging at it. He felt her legs press together, seeking friction, and he pushed his knee between them and used his foot to coax her feet apart. 

“You’re desperate for it, aren’t you?” 

He asked her breathlessly, a deep rumble in his chest when she whined in response. He let go of one breast and snaked his hand down her stomach, past the lining of her trousers. She moaned against the apple and Merlin, the sound she made when he slipped his fingers between her legs nearly made him ungag her and toss her onto the bed. 

His mouth moved in time with his fingers as the swiped against her slick heat. Hermione writhed against his hand because it was all the control Sirius allowed her to have. He knew that if the apple wasn’t blocking her mouth, she’d be loud and saying his name in the breathy way he liked, but this was so fucking hot that he didn’t dare remove the apple.

He could feel her stiffen, trying to close her legs around his hand, and so he pulled away before she was finished. She whimpered and narrowed her eyes at him, and he tossed her a cheeky smile. He wasn’t done with her yet. He placed a kiss on the apple and smiled wider at the sheer fury that set her eyes ablaze. 

“Scowl at me all you want, Hermione. You fucking love this.” He proved it by sliding his hand back into her pants and coating his fingers in her arousal. “See, positively soaking, you are.”

She hissed through her nose and Sirius took that - wrong or right - as victory. He let his hands rub her skin between her stomach and pants, before pulling them down so that she was entirely bared to him. Planting a kiss on her soft hip, he watched a blush creep from her chest to her face, and he loved it. 

“Still embarrassed to be naked after all this time?” He asked her, and she closed her eyes. 

Sirius shook his head and stepped back. Allowing his eyes to roam all of her, from calves to eyes, he felt his ache for her grow. He quickly removed his white shirt, pulling it from the hem and over his head in one, fluid movement. And then he stepped out of his trousers and slid his pants to the ground. Hermione was burning red at the cheeks when her eyes opened, but she couldn’t hide the desire that flashed through her eyes at seeing him in the nude.

“See this?” He stroked himself and watched her eyes descend his frame. He was so hard it hurt as his hand slid across his flesh. “This is what you do to me, Hermione.”

She mumbled something into the apple. Judging by the way her eyes grew, he guessed she was asking him to fuck her and he shook his head. 

“I want you to come apart,” he told her as he stepped to her again. “I want you to cry out for me so loud, even the apple in your mouth can’t stop the noise.”

She moaned as his knees hit the floor. He looked up at her, his shaggy black hair level with her bare pelvis, and a filthy smile on his face. She tried to close her legs, still chasing after friction, and he wouldn’t allow it. He grabbed one of her legs and placed it over his shoulder and then used his fingers to part her folds.

And then he feasted on her. He was noisy, encouraging her to make noises around the apple in her mouth, and he wasn’t disappointed. The louder he was, the more she forced sounds from her throat that few consistently louder and more desperate the longer he had his tongue swirling around her bundle of nerves. He upped the stakes as he slid a finger into her and groaned at the feel of her tightening around it. 

She bucked against him and her throaty noises and breathing sharply through her nose were continuous; he knew she was close and he brought her right the brink. He swiped once, twice more, with his tongue and then pulled away from her completely and set her leg back down the ground. She wobbled for a moment and glared at him when he huffed a laugh. She made the most indignant, desperate noise that he almost buckled back to his knees again. 

“I’ve got to have you now.” 

He stepped close again, cupped her arse, and lifted her so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. She moved her hips against his, begging silently for him to enter her. 

“God, Hermione. You’re so fucking good.”

The moment he sheathed himself inside of her, a delirious sort of need came over him. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, could do very little, in fact, except pull himself almost out and thrust back into her. They moved together, her hands still stuck above her head and his hands seeking out the wall beside her head so that he could brace himself against it. He bucked, deeper and harder, inside of her until she was practically sobbing around the apple still firmly stuck into her mouth. 

He whispered words into her neck, “fucking perfect” and “so goddamn filthy” and “come for me, love.” Sirius was so close to losing it by the time she began moving wildly over him, taking her pleasure from him as he met her thrust for thrust. 

He finished with a feral sort of growl and she relaxed against him immediately. Her breaths came in short bursts as he peppered her with kisses at the jaw and neck. His hand found the apple at her mouth and he coaxed it from her while he removed the charm from her wrists above her head. He lowered her to the ground gently and watched as she massaged her jaw. 

Part of him wanted to dash away to avoid her oncoming wrath, but then he didn’t feel guilty at all. That might have been the best sex they’d had, and he believed it was entirely owed to that naughty piece of fruit. He opened his mouth to tell her so, much to his impending peril, but she cut him off. 

“I think,” she started as her fingers moved over her jaw. 

He braced himself, knowing he was about to be torn apart limb from limb for his shenanigans. But then she surprised him, eyes lighting up over a crooked smile. 

“I think I’m going to send Theo a fruit basket tomorrow.”


End file.
